Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
