you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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