There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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