she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
