I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
