I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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