I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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