Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
