The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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