Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
