I wannas sexs uuuuu
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
