If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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