even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
