yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
