I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is wine microwaveable?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
