My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
