Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
