I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
