I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
