So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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