You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
