Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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