I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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