wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
