she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
