my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
