Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
