yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pants are for mortals
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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