yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
