I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
