every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
