First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
