I'm so fucking centered right now
Screwed.edu
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
