i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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