Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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