Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
