She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
