3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
