I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
