So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
