Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
