id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
