shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
