because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
