Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
