Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
