my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
