i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
