I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
