I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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